I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize