Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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