I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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