I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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