We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
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I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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