So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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