I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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