I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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