i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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