One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize