On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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