Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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