He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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