I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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