my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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