When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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