tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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