ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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