also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
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I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
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Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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