the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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