fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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