I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
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I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
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I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I love you. Go after that dick
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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