Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize