he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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