Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize