Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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