i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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