The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize