All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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