What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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