just come out here and I will go home with you...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
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Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
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My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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