Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize