woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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