He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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