I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
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I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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