I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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