i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
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I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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