you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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