it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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