Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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