yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
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Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When did angry sex become our thing?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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