My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
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There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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