Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize