My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize