I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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