sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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