he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
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He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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