I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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