I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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