did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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